How do you like to search? And more importantly, how do you like to have your search results displayed? Alphabetically? By category?

No? Too conventional? Okay, let’s mix it up and give your your results according to the insanely intuitive yardstick of the number of characters in the question?

Only in this universe could the questions “What is a money order?” and “What is a colonoscopy?” sit side by side, proudly, and without a whiff of irony. In any other scenario, I’d say you’re dealing with a completely crazy person.

The site’s actually pretty good, but this is is truly one of the oddest approaches I’ve ever seen for organizing information. Imagine a library where books were just organized by size or thickness. This is like that.

Oh man, this is too good.

LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas — Crowds in Arkansas came for the lure of cage fighting and $1 beer, but police say what they got instead was men ripping each others’ clothes off and kissing — a stunt suspected of being orchestrated by Sacha Baron Cohen of “Borat” fame.

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There are bad writers. There are bad sports writers. And then there is the woeful Dave Feschuk.

His formula is simple.

1. Something happens
2. Feschuk hates it; worst thing ever
3. Feschuk liberally sprinkles positively entombs his article with the kind of bad pun dust you’d find in the staff newsletter of a small accounting firm.

Here’s what Toronto’s own Debbie Downer has to say about the latest Raps trade, which among other things moves disgruntled point guard TJ Ford for 6 time all-star (albeit injury prone and also often disgruntled) Jermaine O’Neal:

Does O’Neal get them to the second round? His health’s a bigger question mark than Ford’s, and he’s a worse teammate than Nesterovic with, recent returns suggest, only marginally better stats. Even if he’s better than that, remember Colangelo’s vision of the Euro-tinged, 100-shots-a-night Raptors? Now they’ll indulge O’Neal’s painfully deliberate, averse-to-contact post game. If you thought Ford was a chemistry problem, wait until Jer-mine goes without his touches.

Dave, it’s not that I even disagree with you. It’s just that you are a really, really bad writer.

Also, I think you are kind of sad. If you need a hug or something, I’m here for you - but only to tell you that you should go get a hug from someone that would actually give you a hug. I wouldn’t come near you - your energy sucks, dude!

For those of you can stand it, read the “analysis” here.

Or click here for a precis of Feschuk’s latest tirade in particular, and his career in general.

Person Debbie Downer

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Dead at age 71. He’ll be missed.

“I don’t have any beliefs or allegiances. I don’t believe in this country, I don’t believe in religion, or a god, and I don’t believe in all these man-made institutional ideas,” he told Reuters in a 2001 interview.

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UPDATE: Here’s stuff from his last interview.

This would be better if it was about 60 seconds shorter and Bill O’Reilly wasn’t in so much of it.

Okay, any of it.

And better still if Bill O’Reilly didn’t actually have a show at all, but washed dishes at my store. And then I fired him for being an arrogant, ignorant dink with no discernible skills.

That would make this clip much better. Despite that, it’s still very good. Thanks to DukeFlower17b for passing it along.

In classic Toronto fashion, the wizards at City Hall have managed to organize Bike Week to coincide almost exactly with a massive crackdown on cyclists. People all over the city (including me) were nabbed for various traffic infractions.

Most of them richly deserve it, and I’m all for better behaviour on the part of bikers and drivers alike, but it is so typical of our passive-aggressive nature in this city that something as honest and earnest as a celebration of cycling can be so instantly tarnished by a pea-brained shock-and-awe campaign on the cyclists themselves.

It left the road full of angry cyclists and vindictive motorists alike. Yay Bike Week! Raise a sport bottle of bile!

I’d feel better if I heard one story of a fine being levied on a single jackass motorist who brained a cyclist because or she is too lazy to check before hopping out of the car. If I could give tickets for that, I’d be giving out at least a dozen a day.

Anyway, lest this end up another in a long string of utterly meaningless city initiatives that are enforced for about 48 hours, crassly harvested for their PR potential, then left for dead in the gutter, I thought I’d post the current road rules for cyclists.

Note that the fines are out of date/inaccurate; I guess everyone was too busy planning Bike Week/Operation Two-Wheels-Bad to actually, you know, do their jobs. Or maybe it was the provincial government’s fault again. Or the Feds. Or the Department of Homeland Security. Honestly, does it matter?

Creepy+weird+hilarious. It’s slow motion baby!

Slow Motion Baby Laugh

No matter what else changes in the world, one thing remains the same: reporters always piss Lou Reed off, and Lou Reed always leaves. Seems in this case they were trying to goad him. Mission accomplished.

NY MAGAZINE: Sirius’s impending merger with XM is anticipated to boost earnings. Do you own any stock in the company?LR: What are you, a fucking asshole? I’m here telling you the truth about music and you want to know if I have stock in the fucking radio? You fucking piece of shit. What did I do to deserve that?

NY MAGAZINE: Moving on. You’ve got a film out, you’ve got your radio show, you’ve got a new book of photography coming up — is there a new album in the works?

LR: No. Nothing I feel like talking about. Good-bye.

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