Great speech

For my money, Patton Owalt is easily the funniest man currently drawing breath and making poop today.

What’s more, he was kind enough to post the speech he gave to students at his high school alma mater. And I, in turn, was kind enough to post it here.

The moral: me and Patton are awesome guys.

First off, I want to thank the teachers and faculty of Broad Run High School for first considering and then inviting me to speak here. It was flattering, I am touched and humbled, and you have made a grave mistake.

I’m being paid for this, right? Oh, wait, there’s some advice, right off the bat – always get paid. If you make enough money in this world you can smoke pot all day and have people killed.

I’m sorry, that was irresponsible.

You shouldn’t have people killed.

Boom! Marijuana endorsement eleven seconds into my speech! Too late to cancel me now!

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