I Call Bullshit

A global quality of life survey has placed Vancouver as the third-best place to live.

No, not in B.C. Not even in Canada. In the world.

What were the survey criteria? I can just imagine it…

Please answer yes or no to the following questions:

• I go to sleep at 8pm because there’s bugger all else to do.
• I jog more than 100 miles a week.
• I refuse to cross a street for specialty coffee and/or I have a Starbucks in my house.
• I am fabulously wealthy, which is a good thing, since real estate prices are so impossibly high that only the fabulously wealthy can afford to buy property here.
• I am completely comfortable with the fact that a giant swath of my downtown core is completely unsafe thanks to a preponderance of junkies that have been shunted there to basically duke it out in the streets to survive. I am not one of the dozens of prostitutes that disappeared from said area without any of the authorities lifting a finger, only to show up later, and dead, on Robert Pickton’s pig farm.
• The only thing I love more than rain is more rain.
• I like it when bars close at 11pm.
• The mere sight of a mountain gets me all excited.
• I want the Olympics to cause havoc and decades of lingering debt for my city.
• I demand that my hockey team include at least one pair of Swedish brothers.

OK, I admit it. I’m pissed that Toronto was only ranked 15th. But Vancouver is 3rd? Please.

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